Latest News: The Great Trubulation


Pages (63): « First < Previous 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 7 8 Next > Last »
1 Votes - 5 Average   The Top.....
Author Message
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #46
RE: The Top.....

The Top 11 Worst Rollercoaster Names :barf:



11. The Made-in-Taiwan Space Shuttle

10. The Personal Liability Waiver Lawyercoaster

9.  Dr. Kevorkian's Wild "Head Toward The Light" ride  

8.  It's a Small World Full of Leprosy

7.  Your 401(k)'s Value Ride

6.  "Get Aboard, Ya Scabs!" -- The Roller Coaster Built By Non-Union Carpenters

5.  Puke of Hurl

4.  The Deadly Olestra DoubleEnder

3.  The Crooked Safety Inspector's Crazy Kickbackcoaster

2.  The OprahWeight

and the Number 1 Worst Rollercoaster Name...


1.  The Hello Kitty Strawberry Shortcake Care Bears BarbieCoaster


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-02-2007 04:00 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #47
RE: The Top.....

This post is in YELLOW. To see today's list, simply left click at the beginning of the post, and drag it to the bottom, and let go. Until you click again, it will stay highlighted. And you will see why it is in yellow. :D

The Top 11 Changes in the New "Wizard of Oz"




11. Scarecrow, Tinman and Cowardly Lion now referred to as the "PETA-Approved Crow-Frightening Person of Straw", the "Non-Gender Specific Recycled Metallic American", and the "Assertiveness-Challenged Feline."

10. "Wicked Witch of the West" replaced by "Misguided Independent Counsel of the Beltway"

9.  Restored scene in which Jabba the Hutt advises Dorothy not to dump the ruby slippers at the first sign of monkey bat attack.

8.  Dorothy clicks her heels and says, "There's no place like the mall".

7.  Victim of a careless oversight in 1939, Bob Dole is finally credited for his role as "Elderly Farm Hand #2."

6.  "Come with us to the Emerald City! I'm sure the Wizard can help you find the real killers!"

5.  Through the magic of special effects, all munchkins now played by Danny DeVito, Gary Coleman and Michael J. Fox.

4.  Then: "Poppies! Poppies! Poppies!" Now: "Dude, I can't find a vein!"

3.  Vanilla Dot and little T-Dogg barely survive the drive-by from the Munchkrips.

2.  Dorothy wakes up in rehab and swears she'll lay off the stuff forever.

and the Number 1 Change in the New "Wizard of Oz"...


1.  Tin Man axes Toto after hearing "Yo quiero Taco Bell" for the zillionth time.


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-03-2007 08:30 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #48
RE: The Top.....

The Top 12 True-Life Horror Movies



12. "Iraqnophobia"

11. "Mr. Bean-eater"

10. "Yeastmaster V: The Yeast Within"

9.  "The Adam Sandler Story" -- starring Adam Sandler as Adam Sandler

8.  "Night of the Desperate Amway Salesman"

7.  "The Day They Called Me 'Ma'am!'"

6.  "Mister Ventura Goes To Washington"

5.  "The Postman Always Reloads Twice"

4.  "Fido's Been Eating Jalapenos and Spoiled Meat!"

3.  "Rosemary's Baby's Stepfather/Boyfriend"

2.  "I Know Who You Did Last Summer and She's Going to Expect Child Support Payments Starting About April, You Bastard"

and the Number 1 True-Life Horror Movie...

1.  Richard Simmons in "The Exercist"


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-04-2007 06:37 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #49
RE: The Top.....

The Top 10 "Top 5 List" Topics in the Year 2098



10. Top 5 Signs Adam Sandler is Too Old to be Re-elected President

9. Top 5 Strom Thurmond Campaign Slogans

8. Top 5 Pet Peeves of the Revived Walt Disney

7. Top 5 Surprises on The Rolling Stones' New Tour

6. Top 5 Signs You, Too, Might Be a Distant Relative of William Jefferson Clinton

5. Top 5 Benefits of the USA/Microsoft Merger

4. Top 5 Reasons to Pull the Life Support on the 110-Year-Old Olson Twins

3. Top 5 Signs You Went Outside Without Your 250 SPF Sunblock

2. Top 5 Things Hidden in Your Dinner Pill

and the Number 1 "Top 5 List" Topic in the Year 2098...

1. Top 5 Reasons Dick Clark's Hair Is Still Brown


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-05-2007 10:30 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #50
RE: The Top.....

The Top 13 Articles in "Girl Scout Cosmopolitan"



13. Coping Strategies for Post-Jamboree Depression

12. Slimming That Figure Without Tossing Your Cookies

11. Twelve Steps to Zero Spice

10. "Does this scarf make my butt look big?": 5 Flattering Designer Uniforms, Each Under $3,000

9. Your Beret: A Surefire Way to Land a Super-Cute Guy!

8. 20 REALLY Cool Uses for Those Knot-Tying Skills

7. The "NonFat" S'Mores Method: Binge! Purge! Enjoy!

6. The Flavored Lip Gloss Diet!

5. "What Do You Need From Me to Buy These Today?": Closing the Thin Mint Deal

4. The 5 Warning Signs of Cooties

3. The Cookie Makeover: Thinner Mints in 7 Days

2. I Was a 78-lb Tub of Lard

and the Number 1 Article in "Girl Scout Cosmopolitan"...

1. Brass and Shoe Polish: Spice Up That Paramilitary Uniform!


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-06-2007 07:58 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #51
RE: The Top.....

The Top 12 Signs Your Guardian Angel Doesn't Like You



12. "Forgets" to warn you when the toast is done just right....how else do you explain burning your toast 459 days in a row?

11. As the grand piano crashes right next to you, a voice in the wind whispers, "Dammit!"

10. Always starts breakfast chat with "Hey, hotcakes -- I got your syrup right here!"

9. After 4 years at Julliard and 12 at the Royal Shakespeare Company, the only acting gig you can land is as "dead crack ho" on a UPN movie of the week.

8. That's too big to be *bird* caca on your shoulder.

7. The foie gras at your last cocktail reception was just completely unacceptable!

6. Every time a bell rings, you involuntarily pass gas.

5. You just accidentally rear-ended a car containing Mike Tyson, Latrell Sprewell, Sean Penn, and Mickey Rourke.

4. You're out of work, you bang your head every time you get in the car, and the new Mrs. nags AND snores.

3. Devil on your left shoulder: "You can beat the train." Angel on your right shoulder: "I concur. The locomotive is definitely beatable."

2. Pushes you away from a falling piano, but into the path of Rush Limbaugh chasing a Moon Pie truck.

And the number one sign your Guardian Angel doesn't like you is....

1. Only after you're committed to the mental hospital for schizophrenia does she stop using 12 different voices.


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-07-2007 07:23 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #52
RE: The Top.....

The Top 11 Signs Your Newspaper Isn't Telling the Truth



11. The picture identified as "Ken Starr testifying" looks an awful lot like "Charlie Brown pitching."

10. Constant use of the word "allegedly" in the weather report.

9. Motto: "Close Enough!"

8. "Cathy" runs in a section called the "Funny Pages."

7. Rex Reed claims new foreign film sensation "I'm Drunk and You're a Prostitute" doesn't do justice to the book, which just happens to be number 3 on the Bestseller List this week.

6. Daily pro wrestling results in the sports section.

5. For second straight year, Margaret Thatcher chosen as "Sexiest Woman Dead or Alive."

4. "Norbit! - Two Thumbs Up!"

3. Their exclusive picture of "Bigfoot" is merely a DJ from Toledo in an ape suit.

2. Every time your parrot looks down, he says "Yeah, right."

and the Number 1 Sign Your Newspaper Isn't Telling the Truth...


1. By-line reads: "Selected from 97 submissions from 38 contributors, Today's correspondents were:"


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-08-2007 02:32 PM
Find all posts by this user
Chuck
Sonofcomfort


Posts: 328
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Jan 2007
Status: Offline
Post: #53
RE: The Top.....

CaliHavoc Wrote:
The Top 12 Proposed New Commandments

12. Thou Shalt Exit The Elevator Before Passing Gas.

11. Thou Shalt Get Jiggy Wid' It.

10. Thou Shalt Not Corvette Thy Neighbor's Wife.

9. Thou Shalt Not Play "the Electric Slide" Or "the Chicken Song" At Wedding Receptions.

8. Honor Thy Foster Parents, Egg Donor, Adoptive Father, Daycare Provider, Big Brother/Sister, Probation Officer...

7. Thou Shalt Not Make Little Quotation Marks With Your Fingers While Speaking.

6. Thou Shalt not Denote Church Rank With A Series Of Sillier And Sillier Hats.

5. Thou Shalt Not Encourage Prop Comedians.

4. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife, Unless She Weareth A Skimpy Little Skirt Like Ally Mcbeal.

3. Honor Thy Stepfather, Though He Be A Jerk.

2. Thou Shalt Not Wrap Thy Lumpy Butt In Spandex.

and the Number 1 Proposed New Commandment...

1. Thou Shalt Love The Notorious G.o.d. With All Thy Heart, With All Thy Soul, With All Thy Might. That's What I Am Talking About.


Just adding to number 9:

9. Thou Shalt Not Play "the Electric Slide" Or "the Chicken Song", the hokey pokey, YMCA, Celebration, The Macarena, anything by Kenny Rogers or Kenny G, At Wedding Receptions.


http://watchtowerunitednations.blogspot.com/
Ask and you shall receive!
03-08-2007 03:00 PM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #54
RE: The Top.....

Chuck Wrote:
Just adding to number 9:

9. Thou Shalt Not Play "the Electric Slide" Or "the Chicken Song", the hokey pokey, YMCA, Celebration, The Macarena, anything by Kenny Rogers or Kenny G, At Wedding Receptions.



Hmmmmm, maybe add in "No songs in any language that all your guests don't speak."

I don't know about you, but I'm sick of them playing songs in Greek;) at parties where the majority of people only speak English!!!


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-09-2007 01:43 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #55
RE: The Top.....

The Top 10 Bad Things About Having
Your Life Broadcast on the Internet



10. Cashiers refuse to accept your URL as photo ID.

9. It's no longer just your small circle of friends who know that you have no life.

8. You've just committed a murder and now you've got to kill all those pesky witnesses.

7. You get the eerie feeling you're being watched, even before you start doing bong hits.

6. New higher resolution monitors compel more frequent dusting and vacuuming.

5. The whole darn family logs on right when you start wrapping the Christmas presents.

4. You're playing solitaire, the phone rings, and it's some geek saying, "Play the red jack on the black queen."

3. The "visiting a sick friend" excuse doesn't quite work when millions of people know that you were really playing Freecell in your jammies.

2. Rip-off artists in Toledo are living the exact same life as you without giving you credit.

and the Number 1 Bad Thing About Having Your Life Broadcast on the Internet...

1. Web-savvy Jehovah's Witnesses aren't fooled when you don't answer the door. :shocked:


Believe it or not, I did NOT write this list!!!:D:whistle:


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-09-2007 01:48 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #56
RE: The Top.....

The Top 11 Problems With Rock Stars These Days



11. Oh, sure, with the cheap materials they use these days, anyone can smash the hell out of a guitar.

10. Addition of that fourth chord makes the music too complicated for enjoyment.

9. The Beatles used mind-expanding drugs to write songs that would change the world. Phish use mind-expanding drugs to debate whether Mrs. C. and the Fonz got it on in the episode when Mr. C. took Richie to the lodge convention.

8. Too much blood in their alcohol systems.

7. STILL haven't figured out the lyrics to "Louie, Louie."

6. They're not feminine enough! And don't get me started on the women!

5. It used to take DECADES before your number one hit was corrupted into the theme song for some bland, inane commercial.

4. We helped stop a war. They help Noel Gallagher stumble to the stage to pick up his MTV Video Music Award.

3. You need a Ph.D. in computer widget thingies to play the friggin' instruments!

2. These kids are spoiled, what with the high quality of drugs these days. No one appreciates the sheer *quantity* of drugs that were necessary to get on a decent buzz back in the '70s.

and the Number 1 Problem With Rock Stars These Days...


1. Earplugs?! Feah! In *our* day, we bled from the ears every night -- and LIKED it!


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-10-2007 04:48 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #57
RE: The Top.....

The Top 12 Signs Santa Claus is Actually a Woman



12. Santa remembers it is Christmas. 'Nuf said.

11. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem!

10. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee."

9. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, still insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.

8. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.

7. Bowl full of jelly, my aunt fanny! It's water retention.

6. Constantly whining about "equality" until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls.

5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!

4. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.

3. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops. :shocked:

2. The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks.

and the Number 1 Sign Santa Claus is Actually a Woman...


1. With the way they build chimneys these days you'd HAVE to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-11-2007 08:30 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #58
RE: The Top.....

The Top 10 Signs You're Dating a Psychology Major


10. He barely says a word on your dates except to keep prompting you to speak, and for some reason keeps writing things down in his notebook.

9. Every time she says that the two of you "need to talk", you know it will at least be over in 50 minutes.

8. You awake in the middle of the night to a tape repeating "this time it's true love."

7. You get an electric shock every time you leave the toilet seat up.

6. Everything she says sound interesting but has no practical value.

5. A trip to any fast food joint always results in ketchup-and-napkin Rorschach tests.

4. After you fall down the stairs, she asks "How does that make you feel?"

3. Instead of a goodnight kiss, she leaves you with "Looks like our time's about up".

2. Win one lousy game of Nintendo and suddenly you're a manic bipolar schizophrenic with blatant passive-aggressive tendencies.

and the Number 1 Sign You're Dating a Psychology Major...

1. During arguments calmly says, "What I hear is that you can't stand my overly rational, Spock-like approach, and that you feel I should have the stick extracted from my behind. Is that correct?"


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-12-2007 06:34 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #59
RE: The Top.....

This is a List to counter the "Top things you won't overhear at the Daytona 500"


Top Ten Things a Ballerina Would Never Say


10. Its a dream come true! Tomorrow at this time I'll be Mrs. Boxcar Willie!

9. When I have to jump rally high, I pretend there's a Rottweilder biting me on the behind.

8. Whoa, Molly! That second rack of ribs ain't sittin' right!

7. I can't get the chewing tobacco stains out of my unitard.

6. Baseball players can scratch themselves, why can't I?

5. Don't get me started about my favorite Stooge!

4. You move that piece-of-junk truck of yours, Cowboy, or I'll force-feed you your own lungs!

3. Wanna hear me belch the National Anthem?

2. Hey, girls! Let's go beat up some opera singers!

And the number one thing you will never hear a ballerina say is....

1. Better back off! I think I'm gonna hurl from all this spinning!


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-13-2007 07:28 PM
Find all posts by this user
CaliHavoc
Maid Micah


Posts: 488
Group: Registered Plus
Joined: Dec 2006
Status: Offline
Post: #60
RE: The Top.....

The Top 10 Super Powers Most Coveted by Dogs


10. Invisibath -- The power to disappear at the first sound of bath water.

9. Skeetvision -- The ability to shoot laser beams from your eyes to blast that damned Frisbee out of the sky.

8. SuperBladder, loaded with Toxi-Urine -- One lift of the leg and this town is mine!

7. SquirrelFreeze

6. John-O-Matic -- Turn any toilet bowl into a punch bowl by sheer force of will.

5. ChuckSpeed -- Ability to catch that friggin' Wagon Train!

4. AntiPsych-Out -- Immunity to all that "fake throw" nonsense.

3. VacuCalm -- Utter self control whenever the vacuum cleaner is turned on.

2. GucciTract -- An invincible digestive system that sustains itself entirely on designer shoes.

and the Number 1 Super Power Most Coveted by Dogs...


1. DoberMorph -- Ability to change into a Doberman anytime someone rolls up a newspaper.


Live every day to its fullest. Love as often as you can. Laugh as though the angels laughed with you.

"For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me."  Philippians 4:13
03-15-2007 08:51 PM
Find all posts by this user
Pages (63): « First < Previous 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 7 8 Next > Last »

View a Printable Version
Send this Thread to a Friend
Subscribe to this Thread | Add Thread to Favorites

Forum Jump: