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Bangalore
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Post: #931
RE: The Top.....

The Top Five Henny Youngman One-Liners.

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore


"While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential qualities of humility, compassion and mercy." - Raymond Franz
http://www.spiritualbrother.blogspot.com/
04-19-2010 09:49 AM
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Bangalore
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Posts: 6,131
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Post: #932
RE: The Top.....

The Top Five Henny Youngman One-Liners.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore


"While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential qualities of humility, compassion and mercy." - Raymond Franz
http://www.spiritualbrother.blogspot.com/
04-20-2010 08:41 AM
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Bangalore
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Post: #933
RE: The Top.....

The Top Five Thoughts For A Day.

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore


"While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential qualities of humility, compassion and mercy." - Raymond Franz
http://www.spiritualbrother.blogspot.com/
04-24-2010 10:51 AM
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Bangalore
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Post: #934
RE: The Top.....

"I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds.

"I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time."

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore


"While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential qualities of humility, compassion and mercy." - Raymond Franz
http://www.spiritualbrother.blogspot.com/
04-24-2010 10:52 AM
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Bangalore
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Post: #935
RE: The Top.....

The Top Five Police One-Liners.


Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.

The Chief is a friend of yours? At least you know someone who can post bail

If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.

Oh i am very sorry i didn't realize you were white.

Your Mustang can outrun my Crown Vic, yes... but not my Motorola.

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore


"While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential qualities of humility, compassion and mercy." - Raymond Franz
http://www.spiritualbrother.blogspot.com/
05-20-2010 10:22 AM
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Bangalore
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Post: #936
RE: The Top.....

The Top Five One-Liners.

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy and the tallest guy in the National Basketball Association is Chinese."
-Chris Rock

"A guy know's he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days."
-Tim Allen

"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

"I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
-Henny Youngman

"You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish."
-Jerry Seinfeld

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore


"While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential qualities of humility, compassion and mercy." - Raymond Franz
http://www.spiritualbrother.blogspot.com/
06-14-2010 07:13 AM
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Bangalore
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Post: #937
RE: The Top.....

The Top Five That You Work In Corporate America.

You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.

Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

You order your business cards in "half orders" instead of whole boxes.

When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore


"While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential qualities of humility, compassion and mercy." - Raymond Franz
http://www.spiritualbrother.blogspot.com/
07-13-2010 09:53 AM
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Bangalore
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Post: #938
RE: The Top.....

The Top Five Signs That You Work In Corporate America.

You learn about your layoff on CNN.

You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.

You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.

It's dark when you drive to and from work.

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore


"While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential qualities of humility, compassion and mercy." - Raymond Franz
http://www.spiritualbrother.blogspot.com/
07-14-2010 10:10 AM
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Bangalore
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Post: #939
RE: The Top.....

The Top Five Signs That You Work In Corporate America.

You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.

Free food left over from meetings is your main staple of your diet.

Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home.

Art involves a white board.

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore


"While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential qualities of humility, compassion and mercy." - Raymond Franz
http://www.spiritualbrother.blogspot.com/
07-27-2010 08:47 AM
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Bangalore
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Post: #940
RE: The Top.....

The Top Five Henny Youngman Doctor Jokes.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office".

Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore


"While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential qualities of humility, compassion and mercy." - Raymond Franz
http://www.spiritualbrother.blogspot.com/
08-01-2010 09:07 AM
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Bangalore
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Post: #941
RE: The Top.....

The Top Four Henny Youngman Relative Jokes.

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

Warm Christian Love
Bangalore


"While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential qualities of humility, compassion and mercy." - Raymond Franz
http://www.spiritualbrother.blogspot.com/
08-01-2010 09:12 AM
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